


In Remembering What Used to Be

by jappfrost



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Exile, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, flangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-18
Updated: 2015-12-18
Packaged: 2018-05-07 09:56:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5452511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jappfrost/pseuds/jappfrost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Merlin's magic was revealed in court, Arthur came to his rescue. Uther, cruel as he is, had Arthur choose between Merlin and the throne. Arthur chooses Merlin and they have been living in exile for quite some time. Merlin feels guilty for making Arthur turn his back on destiny, especially now that Arthur seems to be regretting his decision and is missing Camelot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Remembering What Used to Be

**Author's Note:**

> No beta. Any mistakes/inconsistencies are mine and mine alone. I do not own Merlin. BBC and Shine do.
> 
> If you see any mistakes in the work, please feel free to point them out to me. I'd really appreciate it! <3

Merlin watches Arthur from the door of their small, rundown dwelling. He studies the hard lines and the contours of Arthur’s chiseled back. He sees the glint of sweat that runs down each and every curve of muscle as the blond man stretches to axe down more lumber for the long cold wintry days ahead. Merlin’s breath catches in his throat for the sight is something to behold. And he cannot help falling a little bit more in love for this man who has chosen him above anyone and anything else.

With a grunt, Arthur drops down the ax to his side, wipes off some sweat from his forehead, and turns with a wistful expression on his face to the far east where Camelot lies at a great distance, his golden head shining brighter with the morning sun.

And just like that, Merlin’s heart clenches painfully in his chest, overwhelmed by the guilt that his selfishness caused Arthur to lose his right as heir to Camelot’s throne. It is his fault that their destiny is taken to the wayside, crushing the hopes and dreams of the thousands of believers of Emrys, the savior of magic-kind.

With a stealth neither of them knew Merlin possesses, he walks up behind Arthur and hugs him, mindless of the sweat and grime. Arthur gives a startled gasp but he quickly turns around and smiles at Merlin, any trace of sadness and longing gone from his features.

“You’re awake.” Arthur says, tracing Merlin’s face with one calloused hand, and Merlin leans in to the touch.

“It’s cold in bed,” Merlin replies a moment after savoring the sweet feel of Arthur’s skin on his. “And you weren’t there. Why are you awake so early?”

Arthur’s eyes soften even further. “I wish I could have stayed with you in bed a little longer. Gods know how beautiful you are when your face is free of worry lines in sleep. Not that you are any less beautiful now.” He smirks at Merlin’s blush.

“And yet you weren’t there when I woke up.” Merlin repeats. “You could have chopped off lumber a little later. We still have a few left by the fireplace.”

The blond man laughs a little. “Oh you idiot. Did you even check?” Arthur asks him, and when Merlin can only give a blank look in return, Arthur sighs and continues, “There’s no more wood in there, Merlin. And I don’t want you feeling cold for the foreseeable future. Your teeth are insufferable when they chatter.”

“Oi!” Merlin pushes at him softly, his lips turned into a pout with mock hurt. “I thought you said you love all of me? And besides, I could have just… you know… the lumber.” Merlin makes a motion with his hands to indicate his magic. Despite Arthur choosing to be with him, magic and all, than to be the crown prince of Camelot, Merlin still feels uncomfortable talking about it.

“You could have.” Arthur agrees, “But that would have made me a lazy prick. I’m the man of the house now Merlin. I can’t have myself lying about while you do all the hard work.”

“But it’s not hard work when I’m using my…” Merlin retorts and does the weird twirling motion that indicated his magic again.

“Magic! For God’s sake Merlin, I won’t kill you if you say the word! Not that I can see myself killing the person I would trade my entire world for!” Arthur shouts back, obviously frustrated with Merlin’s hesitance to mention the word magic.

And there it is again. Merlin’s heart clenches with love for this insufferable prat of a man. He may no longer be the prince of Camelot, but he rules well and above anything else in Merlin’s heart. “I’m sorry, Arthur.” Merlin says, head bowed down to cover his apparent shame.

“Damn right you should be.” Arthur huffs, hands crossing at his chest. “I am well aware of your magic when my father gave me the choice between you and the crown, all right? And I chose you, magic and all. So there’s no need for you to be shy and all about it. Merlin?”

“It’s not that.” Merlin looks to the east. “I saw you look to the east, earlier. You’re thinking about Camelot.”

Arthur drops his hands to his sides and sighs loudly. “Merlin, we’ve had this conversation a hundred times before.”

“But you really should have chosen to stay than to be with me here.” Merlin says, tears prickling in his eyes. “You could be having a nice relaxing breakfast in bed right now with some other manservant who is probably not as insolent as I am. You could be training your knights and defending the kingdom. Or you could be out in the forests hunting for fun and not hunting for sustenance like what you’re doing now. You could have had a great life back in Camelot, and yet here you are, suffering because of me. And I cannot bear it Arthur!”

It is silent for a few moments before Arthur moves forward and hugs Merlin tightly.

“You’re right, Merlin.”

And those words, though Merlin wanted Arthur to finally see sense, hurt to the deepest depths of his heart. It feels like shattering to million tiny pieces, never to be picked up and fixed again. This is it. He will be left alone and Arthur would go on and be the prince of Camelot, as it should be. 

He begins to extract himself from Arthur’s embrace but the other just holds on to him a little tighter. Arthur lifts one arm to touch Merlin under the chin. He directs Merlin until a pair of blue eyes meet blue.

“I could be having George serve me a huge meal for breakfast. I could be enjoying the soft warm bed in my quarters, or train the knights and feel the thrill of a sword in my arm rather than ax. I could go hunting for fun and I could be having an easy life in Camelot, but I would be suffering too. And I cannot bear it, Merlin. A life without you would be meaningless and bleak and I wouldn’t want it. I don’t want life unless it has you in it. You are my life Merlin.” Arthur proclaims, his gaze intent and unwavering. “I love you Merlin. Too much. I won’t survive a single day without you by my side. What was it you were saying? We’re two sides of the same coin? That basically says we’re inseparable. If ever I did seem wistful looking toward the east, that wasn’t me thinking of Camelot anymore. I was just spacing out, mulling over our future as practically a married couple.”

A thump on Arthur’s chest is definitely not what he expects but that’s what he got from Merlin.

“You clotpole!” Merlin says, burying his head onto Arthur’s shoulder. It smells of sweat and faintly of the sex that they had the night before but Merlin does not care. “Only you can make me feel like the utter worst one second and then the luckiest person ever to exist the next. I love you too, Arthur!”

“Don’t cry on me now, Merlin.” Arthur laughs, his expression fond. “Come now, let’s go have some breakfast.”

Merlin raises his head at that. “You made us breakfast?”

Arthur looks at him incredulously. “Don’t be ridiculous, Merlin! Of course you’ll do it.”

Merlin pouts at that. Figures that Arthur will go back to his prattish self after being so sweet and perfect. And then they laugh together as they walk back to their tiny little hut, smaller than the room Arthur’s had in Camelot.

“It won’t be as fancy as the breakfast George prepares.” Merlin mock warns him.

“I don’t care, Merlin.” Arthur lets out a long suffering sigh. “At least yours are always made with love.”

“Oh Arthur, you’re such a big sap!” Merlin leans his head to Arthur and the other man wraps his arm around Merlin’s waist.

“You love it.”

“No, I love you.”

“I love you too.”


End file.
